In a couple weeks, AMACOM, a division of the American Management Association, will release Michelle Tillis Lederman’s new book, The 11 Laws of Likability.  I’m nearly finished reading the advance copy AMACOM sent me and will post a book review soon.

In the meantime, here are some great reminders from Lederman’s book on listening — what to do and what not to do to be a leader who’s an effective listener:

Do:

• Maintain eye contact
• Limit your talking
• Focus on the speaker
• Ask questions
• Manage your emotions
• Listen with your eyes and ears
• Listen for ideas and opportunities
• Remain open to the conversation
• Confirm understanding, paraphrase
• Give nonverbal messages that you are listening (nod, smile)
• Ignore distractions

Don’t:

• Interrupt
• Show signs of impatience
• Judge or argue mentally
• Multitask during a conversation
• Project your ideas
• Think about what to say next
• Have expectations or preconceived ideas
• Become defensive or assume you are being attacked
• Use condescending, aggressive, or closed body language
• Listen with biases or closed to new ideas
• Jump to conclusions or finish someone’s sentences

Here are some ways to sharpen your listening skills to help you derive the fullest meaning from what is being communicated:

• Listen for potential
• Listen for what’s not said
• Listen for inconsistency
• Identify nonverbal signals
• Listen for perspective
• Listen for energy
• Listen for themes and threads
• Listen for what’s behind the words
• Listen through the silence
• Listen for positive change
• Acknowledge you’re listening
• Know when to interrupt

The last tip, about interrupting, kind of surprised me when I read this list in the book, What Could Happen If You Do Nothing.  But, there are times when interrupting makes sense.  Strategic interrupting can be both clarifying and productive for both parties.  For example, it makes sense to interrupt when:

• You feel that you or the other person has lost the thread
• You need clarification to fully get what’s going on
• There’s an opportunity to offer a suggestion
• It might be helpful to reframe or offer another way to look at a situation

And, if you are having a conversation with someone who is expressing their feelings or attitudes, keep in mind that according to professor Albert Mehrabian of UCLA that within that communication to you:

• 7 percent is in the words that are spoken
• 38 percent is in the way the words are said
• 55 percent is in facial expression